RT @sarassmile1109: I hate the morning and anyone who enjoys it.

@seangabay How'd it turn out?

@elvisofdallas Nope, didn't get it.

@puffybee @polysorbate @justhadto Jeeeeeeeeeesus.

@ikathyv Cancer in puppies is 10x funnier than Will Ferrell.

@BradBiggs Is that a euphemism?

So I heard Katy Perry's "California Girls", and I gotta say, these Al Qaeda guys may really be onto something.

I called it, motherfuckers. We're at Benihana and our chef's name is Pancho. #AuthenticHibachi #Floriduh

@notGregDay @krow272 Woohoo! Better get my pen ready to sign some endorsements.

@krow272 What's the special?

Papa, don't preach. Preaching leads to child molestation, and I don't need your index finger up my ass.

It's my sis-in-law's bday and she wants framboise. Perfect excuse for me to shop for myself as well!

@lunar456 :)

@ikathyv It should be.

@elvisofdallas Looking back, I think they all probably smelled like shit. It was all a matter of how much one actually applied.

@jeraimee I'm gonna go full bulimic on this one. http://twitpic.com/29iiod

@froggiemanders Sadly, no. Got a birthday dinner to attend. Lot of people I wanted to meet at this one, though.

@amandastewart I used to wear the shit out of that.

Oh-blah-dee, oh-blah-da, fuck this song.

World's oldest Twitter user dies at 104, apparently unaware she was allowed 36 more characters. Stupid old people trying to use technology.